Forget spending hours in the gym—the latest fitness tip from top trainers involves sitting cutely in your man’s lap while secretly supporting most of your weight in a deep squat! These intimate moves are great for toning your butt, thighs, and core, and also for maintaining the illusion that you weigh less than a garden fairy. Sit back—but don’t relax—with these variations.
The Low Squat
How low can you squat in his lap before your legs buckle under the weight of your own body? Now’s the time to find out! The low lap-squat is all about feeling the burn in your legs while keeping him in the dark about your full human bodyweight. Aim to keep 80% of your body weight to yourself, and he’ll be like “Whoa, is my girl the size of a small dog? Cool.”
The One-Leg Squat
Wanna squeeze in a workout while you’re at a bar with limited seating? Sit yourself down in his lap, cross one leg over the other, and support your weight by squatting on your uncrossed leg. Expect increased muscle definition in your thighs and lots of questions from him about how you manage to weigh less than his five-year-old niece. It’s your little secret!
You heard right—raise and lower yourself into his lap in a series of minute pulsing actions while you’re hanging at a friend’s barbecue. This move is hard, but so was finding a guy, so stick with it. You’ll look great sitting in a man’s lap with your tiny toned limbs. All the better if your legs start to shake—the weaker you seem, the more manly he’ll feel!
Wait—are your bones hollow, or are you supporting the majority of your body weight on your tippy toes like a teeny tiny ballerina?! Standing on tiptoes while squatting in his lap will firm up any leg jiggle, elongate your calves, and trick him into thinking he’s bagged himself an actual tiny dancer. You’re adorable and weightless!
This advanced move involves no contact with his lap at all: simply lower yourself and freeze just before you touch his actual lap. Maintain through the duration of a 90-minute movie. The exertion is for advanced sitters only, but don’t panic: As long as you fall forward and out of his lap in exhaustion, he’ll never know how much you really weigh.
If it all gets to be too much, remember: You can sit down when you’re single!