Making new friends is easy when you’re a kid—just share your Lunchables with them!
Making friends as a grownup? Now that’s tough. With all the responsibilities of adult life, including balancing jobs, maintaining relationships, having kids, and eating healthier, simply offering prospective friends processed snacks is not going to cut it. You’re going to need better snacks! Here are the seven treats you’ll need to make friends as an adult.
1. Cheese (Fancy)
A must-have snack for making adult-friends is cheese, but only the fancy kind will do. Brie, bleu, goat—the fancier, the better. Most adults love indulging in dairy, so your luxury snack offerings will make them want to talk to you. Cheese is so widely embraced that any adult-friend prospects who do not eat cheese will want to explain to you in detail why they aren’t partaking in the cheese—score! So whether the fancy cheese is eaten or not, the lines of communication will be open and you’ll have a few new adult-friends. You’ll spend your days G-chatting about hilarious Washington Post articles, the best of friends and colleagues!
2. Cookie Platter
To make adult-friends, you need to create an area for adults to gather, and nowhere do adults like to gather more than around a cookie platter! If you need proof, just look around a PTA meeting. Where are the adults standing? Around the cookie platter, of course! Adults are desperate for cookies, but they don’t think they should be allowed to have them. This push-pull keeps them from within 4 to 10 feet of a cookie platter at all times, so use this to your advantage. Want to make adult-friends with the neighbors? Put a cookie platter on your lawn and watch them sidle their way over. Now you can have a discussion about whether they should have a cookie or not, and that’s the start of an adult friendship! You two will be inseparable at this year’s bake sale!
If you want to make some new adult-friends, remember the acronym ABN: Always Be Nacho-ing! They’re one of the top adult-friend-making foods for several reasons. One: Everybody loves nachos! Two: Nachos are meant for sharing! Three: There are always too many of them! That gives you an easy in with which to loop in your new adult friend. “Hey, have some of these nachos,” you can say. “I can’t eat them all!” Your adult friend prospect will comply, and bam! Adult friendship made! Now you have someone to go apple picking with!
4. Gummy Bears
Gummy bears are generally thought of as a kid’s snack, which makes them perfect bait for adult friendships. Adults want them but feel silly eating them, so they’re incredibly enticing when presented by fellow grownups. When you have an adult-friend prospect in your sights, just pull out a packet of gummy bears and exclaim, “Woah! Gummy bears! How did these get in here? Would anyone like a gummy bear?” Your adult-friend target won’t be able to resist the permission you’re giving them to eat like a kid again and will take one. Voilà! You two will bond over the fact that you probably should have not eaten those gummy bears, which will make you instant adult friends. Maybe they’ll even help you wallpaper your half-bath!
Wine is the ultimate adult-friend-making snack! Make sure to always have all kinds of wine on hand, red, white, pink… red. It’s the perfect bait to lure adults into your friendship trap! Even if they don’t like you, adults will accept a glass of wine when you offer them one. Then, while they’re drinking your wine, you can trick them into becoming your friend. Heck, they may get so drunk that they have to sleep over. Adult friend = made! Time to hit up the new Pampered Chef store at the mall!
6. A Chocolate Fountain
If you have a chocolate fountain, you’ll have no problem making adult friends! They pull together two things that adults love: chocolate and water features! How often have you heard someone say that the best thing about a wedding was the chocolate fountain? Now imagine that you had one in your living room. Everyone would want to come over! And once people are at your house, they’re automatically your friends! You’ll all be a part of a group text titled something funny, like “Chocoholics Anonymous”. BFF 4 EVA!
Now, sushi is an advanced snack and should be deployed sparingly on only the most wealthy and adult of potential friends. It’s delicious, impressive, and expensive, so if people know that you always have some sushi lying around, of course they’re going to come by! And when they come by, you can pound them into being your adult friend! Your new friend could even invite you for a sleepover on her husband’s boat! All aboard the adult-friend-ship!
Note: Do not keep sushi around for more than three days, or you might lose your recently acquired adult friends.
Now you have the snacks, so go, shop, and make some new adult friends!