In the latest twist of this rollercoaster we call gender nonconforming lived experience, a widely circulated video of character actor Stanley Tucci making a Negroni in a tight little polo is the first thing making you want top surgery today.
“This one definitely took me by surprise,” you say. “Typically it will be men in tank tops, having to choose between the comfort of going braless or the comfort of having a flat chest in clothes, thinking about the beach. But this morning I opened Twitter and there it was: Bald and beautiful Stanley T mixing liquors in a capital F, Fitted black polo, middle aged pecs simply stealing the show.”
While the home video of Mr. Tucci tending bar has in turn delighted and driven the general public wild spurring debates over the validity of his Negroni-making technique, it has mostly just gotten your gender dysphoria rolling for the day.
“I haven’t even looked in the mirror yet today,” you say. “But Tucci’s little man hips are more than enough to make me say, wow, I sure I wish I didn’t live in a female-coded body much of the time. Life is crazy.”
Despite knowing better, you appear to be watching the video again.
“Look at his arms,” you say. “That’s what I call testosterone tris.”
“I’m not even sure if I want his body or if I want his body,” you add. “Yet another timeless conundrum for gay or bi trans and non-binary people. But it’s probably both. Yeah, it’s definitely both.”
Sources close to the story confirm that that deep voice and tiny little man butt will have you scrolling the FTM Reddit for much of the day.
“The only thing this video didn’t make me want is a Negroni,” you say. “Vermouth – bad. Flat chest in little polo – very good.”
We look forward to discovering your next source of gender dysphoria, even though we both already know it will be Timothée Chalamet.