During a recent weekend spent dogsitting for her friend, Toronto resident Eva Sato remained hopeful that the dog’s sudden erection was unrelated to her.
“I was innocently petting Sprocket when his terrible dog boner happened,” said Sato. “If you’ve been fortunate enough to have never seen one, keep doing what you’re doing. I assure you, it’s very pink and bad.”
“My first thought was, ‘oh no, is this my doing?’,” Sato continued. “Then I took a deep breath and assured myself that Sprocket was probably just thinking about something hot and I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
When Sato is not petting horny dogs, she works as a divorce mediator, helping separating couples avoid excessive litigation.
“In mediation, emotions run high and arguments can become tangential. I always try to bring us back to the grounding question: what’s the root of this conflict?,” Sato said. “Similarly with Sprocket’s boner, I had to trace the cause and effect chain of the incident, and I simply found myself absent from that equation.”
Sprocket’s owner, McKenna Day, is unconvinced by Sato’s rationale.
“Yeah, it was probably because of Eva,” Day said. “It’s not a big deal and it’s not like she did it on purpose. She was petting his thigh, these things happen.”
Despite Day’s cavalier attitude, Sato is steadfast in her optimistic view that she did not induce Sprocket’s erection.
“Arousing my friend’s dog would be, in my opinion, a grievous offense, and one I’m not sure I could come back from,” said Sato. “However, I’m persevering and remaining hopeful despite the circumstances. Unwittingly giving a dog a boner is just not something I can handle right now. I’m not sure if I’ll ever look at Sprocket the same way.”
At press time, sources confirm Sprocket was wandering around looking for another leg to hump.
