Best Friend Downgraded to Close Friend

In a recent turn of events, 25-year-old Portland resident Maddie Jorden decided that after a few months of emotional distance, Meghan’s best friend status is officially downgraded to close friend.


While this demotion may come as a shock to many, Maddie has made it clear that this change of title has been a long time coming.


“We work in the same city and only manage to get together like once every two weeks, sometimes even three,” said Maddie. “I’m not mad at all, I just don’t think that’s best friend behavior. Sorry, but from now on I’m calling her a ‘very close friend who I adore’. That’s life.”


Now that their close friendship is no longer a best friendship, Meghan has lost the opportunity to be the first person Maddie texts when she starts a new relationship.


“Sorry, but when I start dating someone new I’m going to tell Ari from now on,” says Maddie. “I’ll tell her, like, second or third. And she’ll just have to live with that. She made her bed.”


Mutual friends don’t really understand why the change is such a big deal.



“Friendships change depending on where you both are in your life,” says Maddie’s good friend Lindsay Baker. “They’re still texting each other most days and always have fun when they’re together.”


“I think best friendship is more of a tier than a specific title one person has,” says Maddie’s new friend Gara Shoenberg. “It’s not a big deal. I’m sure they’ll be best friends again someday. This is all kind of childish.”


Sources confirm that due to that last comment, Maddie has downgraded Gara to someone she is ‘friendly’ with.


“I don’t know what the future holds for us,” says Maddie. “But I do know, I am interviewing people for the best friendship position and look forward to making my decision in the coming weeks.”