Friend Scrolling Through Your Phone Dangerously Close To Trove Of Dick Pics

Details are still coming in from sources close to the site of an unfolding potential tragedy: At approximately 9:15 PM, your friend innocently scrolled through your phone in order to view pictures of a recent social event you attended, dangerously close to a trove of dick pics you’ve been keeping for sentimental value.


Sources close to the victim confirm that she has had many of these dicks described to her in the past but has never directly witnessed the series in such a graphic way.


As your friend swipes closer and closer to the varied array of dicks you have been saving for a rainy day, the barely-hidden treasure chest in your phone’s photo album is now posing a serious risk to the state of this friendship and your reputation.


It is unknown how the mistake was so cavalierly made in the first place or what we, as a society, could have done to prevent similar events from occurring. It is clear, however, that your ego in wanting to show off how great you looked in that bridesmaid’s dress, may lead to disastrous results down the line.


So far even the calmest attempts to retrieve the dick-pic trove undetected have proved too suspicious, so it looks like she will be ramming eyes-first into your cave of secret peen momentarily. As she continues to swipe faster through your dick-laden device, commenting “ooh is this the bride’s brother you mentioned?” it is unclear whether you will be able to save her from falling headfirst into the sea of scrotum.



UPDATE: Reports have been confirmed that your phone just buzzed in your friend’s hands and she has now definitely seen the fresh dick that was just sent to you this moment. Because you foolishly turn off the “allow notifications,” the victim is politely pretending she cannot see it. Sources wonder why you are receiving so many goddamn dick pics.


Our thoughts and prayers are with the victim.