A new study out of the University of Miami has confirmed that, contrary to popular belief, women can pee standing up. The deciding factor, the study found, is whether they are drunk enough.
“There’s this pervasive rumor that people with vaginas have to sit down in order to piss,” said Lead Researcher Bee Jorgen. “I knew this couldn’t be true because I’d observed them peeing standing up before with my own eyes. Once I had this hypothesis, I just had to witness it again, but sober this time.”
Jorgen maintained that women could pee standing up if they were willing to resist patriarchal social standards. In other words, if they were plastered beyond belief.
The study had rudimentary experimental methods, simply relying on a survey of extremely drunk women.
When invited to pee, 80% of these drunk women did not hesitate to pull down their pants, spread their legs, and pee standing up right on the spot. Another 19% did not bother to pull down their pants, instead peeing in their pants pretty immediately. The last 1% has the wherewithal to find a quiet corner before peeing standing up, as well.
The study also found that the level of drunkenness required for a woman to pee standing up varied, but after five drinks, basically everybody was doing it.
“For some respondents, it took as little as two drinks,” Jorgen noted. “But I’m pretty sure that was a calculated, conscious choice. They were barely buzzed, really.”
Jorgen hopes the results of this study will encourage more women to “embrace their full potential” and “make ‘seated pissing’ a thing of the past.”
“I mean, some of these women were really having fun with it,” Jorgen continued. “Once we got a big group of them to drink together, peeing standing up became a sort of collective game.”
At this point in the study, researchers confirm the women jovially took turns seeing how far they could shoot their streams. The winning distance was about 10 feet.
Members of the public did not appear shocked by the study’s results.
“Oh, yeah I can absolutely pee standing up,” said local mom Georgia Pine. “Standing up, laying down, on my side, you name it. One time I peed upside down. Is there anything in the study about that?”
According to researchers, no, but it could be a really interesting area of future inquiry.
