10 Surefire Ways To Turn On Your Roomba

You love your Roomba, but after you’ve had it a while, vacuuming can get a little… boring. It doesn’t have to be that way! Try one of our ten tried-and-true ways to turn on your Roomba, and soon you’ll be watching it zoom around your living room sucking up hairballs like they day you first took it out of the box.


1. Sexy Lingerie

Go to Victoria’s Secret and buy some scandalous new underthings, the more complicated the better. Slip into your naughty new outfit in front of your Roomba. Then press your Roomba’s “On” button. It’ll be so turned on, it won’t know what hit it.


2. Role Play

Dress up as a Naughty Nurse or a Naughty Teacher or a Naughty Tax Accountant, and the go tell your Roomba it’s in trouble. Then slip your naughty finger onto your Roomba’s “On” button, and gently press it down until it explodes into being on.


3. Sexy Foods

Smear whipped cream and chocolate all over your Roomba. When it’s completely covered, lick it off. While you’re licking, gently press your tongue onto your Roomba’s “On” button. By the time you press the button all the way down, your Roomba will be completely turned on.



4. Naked Surprise

Your Roomba will NOT expect to be approached by you, buck naked, at the front door of your home. Then, while it’s sitting there speechless, slide your naked toe across its plastic lid and press it down on your Roomba’s “On” button. It won’t be able to stop from being turned on!


5. Try a Three-Way

Find another woman you think is hot and who you would like to bring into the mix. (Make sure she’s someone you’re comfortable with.) Then, start things off by having the two of you slide your pointer fingers onto your Roomba’s “On” button and push down at the same time. Your Roomba will be two times turned on.


6. Sex Club

Take your Roomba out of the home and into a sex club. There you can watch random couples fucking in all sorts of ways, and when you press its “On” button, it’ll happily scoot around, picking up condom wrappers and business cards. If you can handle this much excitement, your Roomba will be totally turned on.


7. Bondage

Fifty Shades of Grey has officially made bondage mainstream, so try it with your Roomba! Tie up your Roomba and tease it with a feather. Soon it will be begging for you to take your whip and use it to press its “On” button so it can slavishly clean your house.


8. Ass Play

Don’t be afraid! Lube up your ass, put it on your Roomba, and press its “On” button. Your Roomba will love being turned on in this whole new way – and so will you!


9. Bukkake

Find 10-12 random men and have them jerk off onto your Roomba. Eventually, there will be so much jizz on it that the weight of it will depress your Roomba’s “On” button, if it doesn’t short circuit first. This act of humiliation will bring you closer together.


10. Incest

Bring in that old Hoover that’s sitting in your basement and use its nozzle to press the “On” button on your Roomba. Forbidden turn-ons are the sexiest turn-ons.


With these surefire ways to turn on your Roomba, it’s going to vacuuming up a storm in no time. So don’t wait, go now, and turn on your Roomba!