In a story that started inspiring then got a little sad, 27-year-old Maya O’Leary engaged in her favorite childhood activity yesterday but is now dealing with the consequences: very adult muscle pain.
In an ode to her inner child, Maya decided to spend her Saturday morning rock climbing, an activity she absolutely loved in fourth grade.
“I used to rock climb at every opportunity I could,” she told reporters while sporting several ice packs and, somehow, a black eye. “And it didn’t even used to feel like much of a workout.”
Sources suspect this was because Maya was 11 years old and only weighed 80 pounds, which made rock climbing pretty easy on her fresh, limber joints.
“I remember spending whole days climbing the wall and thinking, ‘Why don’t my parents do this all the time? If I had that much freedom, I’d be rock climbing constantly,’” she continued, wincing as she tried to get up. “I guess now I know why.”
While Maya knew the activity felt like a workout while she was doing it, she would never have guessed the consequences that awaited her 12 hours later.
“I’m experiencing muscle pain like never before,” she continued. “I tried to get out of bed this morning but couldn’t because I can’t control my fingers.”
According to sources who can hear her groaning through the walls, Maya is nursing a sore knee, back, and thigh as well as an overstretched shoulder, pulled hamstring, and a calf cramp. On top of it all, her ear is ringing for an unknown reason.
“I didn’t even use my ear for anything!” she proclaimed, incredulous. “What’s the ear thing about?”
“We see this in overzealous adults pretty often,” said physical therapist Ty Jacobson. “There’s a reason kids love to be active – they’re tiny and adaptable and have never had to deal with adult muscle pain. Meanwhile, adults doing want to seem bested by their younger selves, so they go just as hard and end up pulling something random, like their deltoid at least.”
Reporters tried to communicate this information to Maya, but she was still busy trying to lift herself from the bed without using her lower back, which was “absolutely gone,” according to her roommates.
As of press time, Maya decided to never again try to capture the childlike joy of play and instead made plans to find fulfillment through living a sedentary, motionless life. Sources confirm she has already committed to a “trampoline hang” with some friends next week, though, so she’s probably going to get fucked up again.
