We’ve all been there: You need a quick bite that will fill you up without emptying your wallet, and you can’t go anywhere that will remind you of that bastard Corey who just broke your heart. Chipotle is just what you need! Plus, you can finally feel like you’re getting what you deserve by getting a little more bang for your buck. Here are some easy, sneaky ways to hack the Chipotle menu to get the most out of your order and go on with your life as an independent woman.
- Confidence is key.
As soon as you step up to the counter, smile and make eye contact so that it’s clear to the employees that you know what you’re doing, and that you’re doing great even though Corey’s gone. You will fix this with a burrito.
- Stop bawling; start bowling!
Can’t decide between a burrito or a bowl? Opt for the bowl and receive roughly 15% more food to fill the hole in your heart! Corey who? You’ll forget who he ever was while you’re eating a big-ass burrito bowl.
- Get yours!
Did you know that you can order tortillas on the side for free? Grab two tortillas to make the most of this secret deal—now that Corey’s out of the picture, you won’t have to share.
- Beans times two!
Beans, beans, they’re good for your broken heart! Most people don’t know that you can get both types of beans for free. Corey would feel like such an idiot if he found out about this easy hack!
- Double meat for single you!
Here’s a tip for protein-lovers: Ask for double meat, explaining that it’s for your boyfriend. They’re none the wiser about Corey leaving, and you get yummy steak and chicken.
- Get those veggies!
Fajita veggies and corn salsa are two free and easy ways to upgrade your burrito bowl. They taste salty, like your tears, but also tangy, like Mexican food. No tears today…just burrito!
- Avoca-don’t settle!
Sure, guac is a couple bucks extra, but don’t be afraid to splurge. Guacamole is chock full of healthy fats and life is short and every person is an island and we may drift close to one another but we never truly touch and we’re all going to die alone! Pro tip: Ordering your guac on the side not only gets you more for the same price, it also is good for when you’re not ready to commit to having guac all over your food. You are healing!
- Make it clear that it’s over.
Finally, don’t forget to wave a friendly goodbye to the employees as you exit. Loyalty is important, and you want the employees to know that you’ll be coming back soon—unlike Corey.
You are killing this food hack recovery plan! Now go home and shit for a few hours. Tomorrow’s another day!