A recent study published in Psychology Today reports that most women do not, as traditionally believed, dress to look attractive to the opposite sex, or even for their own sense of personal satisfaction, but rather for the approval of other women—specifically for that one girl, Nicole.
“The data is overwhelming,” said Dr. Stacy Lindberg, the study’s head researcher. “The absolute vast majority of women we surveyed dress for the sole purpose of positive feedback from Nicole, ideally aiming for a ‘that’s cool. Where’d you get that?’ but often being satisfied with a ‘nice shirt.’”
The research team who conducted the study speculate that Nicole may be a stand-in for previous Nicoles in participants lives, including but not limited to “Nicole from camp”, “Nicole from swim team”, and “hot Nicole”.
When probed for further detail, most survey respondents mentioned something to the effect of Nicole having a “great eye,” and that “you can tell she was definitely popular in high school” but that she “wasn’t a dick about it.”
Several women polled also made mention of the fact that they strongly believe that if Nicole approves of their personal sense of style, there’s also a chance she’ll start asking them to eat lunch with her, supply eyeliner tips, and maybe even confide personal details about her relationship with Derrick, her live-in boyfriend.
“Nicole is exactly the kind of girl I’ve always wanted to grow up to be like,” said one respondent. “Even though I’m 33 and she’s technically six years younger than me, I still want to be like her when I’m her age.”
Another participant in the study admitted to having accumulated several thousand dollars worth of credit card debt in an attempt to update her wardrobe to “better suit Nicole’s tastes,” including the purchase of four pairs of high-end harem pants and 17 vintage bun pins. She noted that the expense was, “more than worth it for the potential look of approval on Nicole’s face.”
When asked for comment on the study, Nicole said, “Oh my God, seriously? That’s so cute.”
Researchers were extremely, extremely pleased with this response, stating, “She’s so effing nice. I die.”