In a confusing story emerging from the bedroom of the guy you were initially planning on hooking up with, it appears 32-year-old Max Gerrard has a dry erase board hanging up next to his desk but no ideas.
Reporters are calling it a red flag.
You were surprised to find the dry erase board in Max’s bedroom considering he did not have a single unique thought over the course of the dinner you just shared, instead regurgitating things he had “read online,” which is to say “watched on TikTok.” You confirmed this was not a deal breaker for you until now.
“I was fine with hooking up with a hunky idiot,” you told reporters from the bathroom of Max’s apartment, where you were seeking refuge. “In fact, I was looking forward to it! Stupid guys are awesome in bed. But now that I see he has a dry erase board, this suggests he wants to have ideas, or even worse, thinks he has ideas and clearly does not. That sort of thing does not bode well for me.”
The dry erase board in Max’s room is almost entirely blank except for a few barely-legible scribbles. You were able to make out the phrases “toaster for pizza” and “pilot?”
“‘Toaster for pizza’ – does he mean an oven?” you asked reporters, extremely confused and concerned. “Does he think he invented the idea for an oven? Oh god.”
As far as “pilot?” it is currently unclear whether Max intends to become a pilot or write one. Neither option is particularly promising.
“If I had entered his room and he had a ton of ideas scribbled on the white board, that would be fine,” you continued. “But there’s something about a dry erase board with absolutely nothing on it that suggests an unaware, idle mind. He probably thought he’d be filling that thing up in no time.”
When you asked Max about it, he said, “Oh, yeah, that’s where I put my ideas!” seemingly unconcerned with the fact that there were barely any ideas to speak for.
As of press time, you had faked bad period cramps and told Max you were going to head home after all. As you were leaving his apartment, you saw him write “period cramps” on the white board with a furrowed brow. It is unclear whether he solved this issue, but reporters are guessing, “No.”
