This past Tuesday, Mark and Karen Phillips took to Facebook to once again apologize to their collective friends and family for the tardiness of their unborn child.
“I don’t know who this baby thinks she is,” Karen’s aunt commented on a recent status update. “This kind of laziness and lack of consideration for others is so typical of Millennials.”
“Is she doing this for attention?” Karen adds. “If that’s what this is all about, then she’s really being born for the wrong reasons.”
From the beginning of the pregnancy, Mark and Karen admit they were concerned that their rapidly developing fetus might be a diva.
“First she was developing too slowly. Then she gave me gestational diabetes. Honestly, if I would have known how high-maintenance this baby was going to be, I never would have gotten drunk and removed my own IUD,” Karen said, regretfully.
“We’ve had this due date on the books for nine months now,” Mark added, checking his watch. “If she was going to have a conflict, she should have communicated that to us. We could have made other plans.”
Karen confided that since the start of her pregnancy, she has suffered from numerous symptoms including, nausea, fatigue, food aversions, increased urination and more, all of which she attributes to the baby’s insanely unrealistic demands.
“I just feel like this baby is really self-centered,” Karen said. “Everything is always about her; she never cares about my comfort, or my convenience. It’s very ‘me me me’ all the time.”
When asked for comment, the baby’s maternal grandparents, who flew in from Texas for the labor said, “if she thinks we’re paying for private school, she better get it together and get herself born soon.”