Despite her looming death, 90-year-old grandmother Marlene Oswald appeared calm this morning as she continued to drop major hints about who and what she intends to haunt upon her passing.
“She keeps touching things on the shelves, saying she wishes she could ‘look at them forever,’” her daughter Carol Oswald explains. “I really wish she would stop. I love my mother and want her to be at peace, but she’s terrifying my children.”
“It’s definitely unsettling,” explains Oswald’s son-in-law, Mike Younger. “That being said, I find her confidence and bravery inspiring. Yesterday when I passed by her room, she was filming herself with a candle held up to her face saying ‘Whoo-oo-oo.’ It’s the happiest I’ve ever seen her.”
Oswald has also reportedly been taking notes to carry with her to the afterlife.
“I found this the other day,” Oswald shares, revealing a large canvas with burnt edges. “It’s a map of the house. As you can see, each room is measured in detail by length and width. The garage is circled, as well as the kids’ rooms, our room, every outlet in the house, and ‘Mama’s Chair.’ Did she think we wouldn’t find this?”
“I made the mistake a few months ago of telling her a guy broke my heart,” explains Oswald’s great-niece April, who reads to her every week. “Now she won’t stop asking about him. Where do his parents work? What places do he and his friends like to go to?”
“I guess it’s kinda nice that she’s gonna be looking out for me.”
Even local business owners have described numerous incidents of a single Werther’s Original Caramel Hard Candy—Oswald’s favorite— appearing on the doorsteps of several neighborhood lunch buffets and rec centers that she has been known to frequent.
In fact, many family and friends say they are “oddly comforted” by Oswald’s obvious attempts at foreshadowing.
“This Christmas, she bought us all these dope sweaters and blankets,” her grandson Doug recounted. “She said we never know when a ‘sudden chill’ might hit us… I thought that was pretty sweet.”
When asked to comment on her behavior, Oswald threw hard candies into the hallway while repeatedly slamming a rickety door.