In a hectic story out of Evanston, IL, 27-year-old Mari Beech just apologized profusely for arriving 20 minutes late for drinks with a friend, claiming she had been “running around all day.” However, upon further investigation, reporters found that all she had done that day was drive to Target and back.
“Today has just been go, go, go,” said Mari, who by “go, go, go” apparently just meant “drive 15 minutes to Target and 15 minutes back.” “I couldn’t catch a break.”
Tabitha, the friend Mari was grabbing drinks with, said she didn’t really care that Mari was late, but felt like her excuse was a little weak.
“She tried to say her Target trip was the reason she was late tonight,” Tabitha told reporters. “She arrived in such a frenzy, I just assumed she came straight from the store. But then she said she went there at noon? It just doesn’t add up.”
To compare, Tabitha had dropped her kid off at school, gone to Pilates, worked a full eight hours, picked her kid up from school, dropped her kid off at soccer practice, and still managed to beat Mari to the restaurant. Not to mention, she also somehow squeezed in an entire load of laundry, which everyone agreed was a monumental feat on even the slowest day.
When Tabitha asked Mari how she was able to “run around all day” to Target and back on a weekday, even though she works a full-time job, Mari simply said, “Somedays I just don’t do that.” “That,” of course, being her livelihood.
Tabitha had to admit she respected Mari’s dedication to doing the bare minimum at her job, but still wouldn’t consider a single Target trip a jam-packed day.
When Tabitha proceeded to ask what she did with the remainder of her day – before and after the Target run – Mari looked visibly confused.
“The ‘rest’ of my day?” she asked. “I don’t understand what you mean. I told you: I was running around all day. I took a 45-minute round trip to Target.”
“I feel like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City,” Mari added, even though she lives in Evanston, IL and ran a total of one errand today before grabbing drinks with a friend. “Two things in one day? That’s too much for anyone. I really need to start prioritizing slow living.”
Reporters felt that if Mari started living any slower, she might keel over and die, but they had to agree that “tasks,” in general, are pretty draining.
As of press time, Mari had gotten home from drinks and flopped down on her couch, vowing that she’d do “absolutely nothing” tomorrow, even though tomorrow’s Thursday and she, like, didn’t do her job at all today.
