In a puzzling story out of a brunch spot in Washington, DC., self-identified “woke” white person Kinsley Hughes just referred to the disastrous state of her hair as an “afro.”
“Yeah, my hair is just so crazy today,” commented Hughes, pointing to a head of relatively limp, but slightly frizzy European locks, which in no way, shape, or form resembled any Afro-textured hairstyle. “I mean, it’s a total afro!”
Online, Hughes actively advocates for social justice by posting Instagram inforgraphics, but when she makes self-deprecating observations about her appearance in her day-to-day life, she finds it extremely useful to invoke imagery of natural Black hair to really drive home the point of her own unsightliness.
“I mean, I look like an extra on Soul Train!” continued Hughes. “Blech!”
“Yeah, it’s kind of like she doesn’t even hear what is coming out of her own mouth?” observed Hughes’s acquaintance and fellow brunch attendee Sierra Joseph, “And just between us, it’s not like a little volume would kill her…”
While Hughes is uniquely vocal, according to one expert, she isn’t the only white woman struggling to keep Black people out of it when she simply looks like shit.
“It’s quite literally in the air,” explained local Black meteorologist Marcus Aman. “Anytime the humidity climbs above a certain percentage every Caucasian woman with relatively fine, 2b waves and mild, unwanted frizz all of a sudden says they have a full-blown Black-Panther-era Angela Davis ‘fro.”
Of course, Hughes, who immediately deleted her Black square back in June 2020 and has since posted multiple Instagrams of her ‘Slave Play’ playbill, knows much better than to disparage kinky-coily hair textures or other Black phenotypes outright.
“Black is beautiful!” cheered Hughes, despite only ever using “afro,” a symbol of Black pride and beauty, in a disgusted, derogatory sense.
“Let me be clear,” she inadvisably continued. “I think it’s incredibly brave when Black women rock their natural hair. As someone with extremely loose curls, I find it so inspiring—that’s just not something I would know how to deal with. I can barely handle my hair as crazy as it is now!”
At press time, when we reluctantly followed up with Hughes to see if she wanted to offer any clarifying or redeeming remarks, she added, “By the way, I just adore Solange!”