‘I Feel Amazing,’ Says Woman Who Won’t Do Yoga Again for 15 Months

Fresh off the high of a great yoga class, Madeline Stewart is feeling good.


“That was seriously incredible,” says Stewart, currently unaware of the fact that it will be 15 whole months before she makes it to another session.


“I mean it was super challenging, but I just forgot how good I feel when I actually work out,” adds Stewart, who will soon forget again.


At this point, Stewart, who previous to this afternoon had not done yoga in two years, is considering buying a 12-class pack to the studio.


“It’s a big commitment, but it would actually save me a lot of money when you break it down,” Stewart says. “Plus, I could really see myself going three times a week, so I think it just makes sense.”


She will not, and it does not.


“I’m of the opinion Madison should buy the class pack,” says human behavior expert, Dr. Louise Bitterman. “The non-refundable investment may make her more inclined to go, but then again, she might still not go and then feel even worse about it. You can’t really win in this life.”


Stewart will ultimately decide to take a couple more single classes to determine if she should spring for the pack, then never do any of that.


“It’s just crazy that I’ll go these long stretches of time basically not exercising at all when it’s so obviously great for my mood and all-around health,” says Stewart, completely underestimating how easy it is to not exercise.


“It’s just about forming habits,” she adds. “Getting to the studio is the hardest part, but I never regret going.”


Stewart will start and finish 32 Netflix series before the next time she does yoga.


“I just can’t forget this feeling,” says Stewart, already forming doubts about the distance from her apartment, costs, and leaving her house in the winter. “Or maybe I should find some videos online and commit to a home practice.”


Closer, but still, not a chance.