Friend Assuming You’re a Youngest Child Kind of Offensive Somehow

In a devastating story unfolding from the conversation you’re currently having over dinner, your new friend Penelope just asked if you’re the youngest child in your family, which is kind of offensive in a way you can’t quite put your finger on.


Sources confirm Penelope asked this question out of nowhere, which makes it cut even deeper.


“So, do you just have older siblings?” Penelope asked, interrupting your monologue about the top 10 gay pop icons rising through the ranks right now. The phrasing of the question caught you off guard, as it seemed she was trying not to explicitly call you a youngest child, almost as if that was a bad thing.


“Am I the youngest?” you clarified, refusing to let her get away with it. “Um, no. I’m actually a middle kid. I have a younger sister.”


Sources confirm you definitely are the youngest in your family, but admitting this in the moment felt kind of bad, so you decided to lie for no reason. This only seemed to prove the point that being the youngest is inherently undesirable.


“Oh! That’s so surprising,” she responded, refusing to elaborate in a way that only made it sound more offensive. “You just seem like the youngest.”


You wracked your brain for “youngest-seeming” traits, and all of them were extremely bad. You’d only ever heard youngest children described as attention-seeking, soft, and whiny, and to be honest, yeah, you are all of those things.


“What about me seems like I’d be the youngest?” you responded casually, taking a sip of your drink to throw her off the fact that you were extremely on edge all of a sudden.


“I don’t know, you just have that vibe!” she evaded expertly. “Like, energetic and fun!”


Sources confirmed this is code for “annoying and self-involved.”


Rather than voice your objection aloud, thus feeding even further into the stereotype that youngest children are overly sensitive, you laughed and said, “Thanks!”


Diverting the conversation from yourself, you then asked Penelope whether she was an oldest child, and she immediately became defensive.



“Oh, because I have a huge stick up my ass?” she replied, throwing her napkin and getting up from the table. “That is so rude!”


Sources confirm this is not what you meant at all, as you were simply trying to call her organized and thoughtful.