Stripper Friend Kind of Boring

Despite working as an exotic dancer at club Velvet Rope, stripper Nicole Timbers does not live the otherwise exciting and scandalous life many friends had hoped for.


“When we met Nicole, we figured she would have the craziest stories,” said Diana Alvarez. “And they’re OK, I guess, but our friend Ashlynn’s actually had sex with more guys than Nicole – and she’s a preschool teacher.’


“I asked her what her stripper name was and she said it was ‘Michelle,’” added Alvarez. “You could have name herself “Diamanté” or “Neyoncé” or something!’ My great-aunt is named Michelle.”


When Timbers is not taking off her clothes onstage, roommate Sarah Kelvin-Fan confirms she “mostly just studies for her LSATs” and “wears men’s sweatpants – not even the cute, booty-hugging kind.”



“She won’t teach me how to give a lap dance, and she seemed kind of annoyed when I asked if she could strip at my birthday party,” said Kelvin-Fan. “But she pays the delivery guy in singles, and I always tease her about that.”


Former roommate Carly Rossman also expressed her disappointment.


“Every time I asked her to come out with us, she’d say, ‘I can’t, I have work.’ I was like, ‘then we’ll bring the party to you!’ But she said she doesn’t mix business and pleasure.”



“We mostly just talk about apartment stuff now,” added Rossman.


Backstage at Velvet Rope, Timbers texted her software engineer boyfriend that “Chipotle is fine,” as she removed her false eyelashes and put on a sweater she purchased on sale at J. Crew.