DUDE CORNER: The Day Airlines Ended Their Mask Mandates Was Better Than the Birth of My Son

Dude Corner

Heyo shitbags, it’s Dude Corner here. Look: I’m not some young, dumb, full-of-cum broham. In fact, I’ve used some of my cum wisely to create a child, which has fully changed me as a man. And that’s why it’s no small thing when I say that the day that courts ruled for airlines to lift their mask mandates was objectively better than the birth of my son.


I’m not a crazy anti-vaxxer or anti-masker, but with that being said, masks are the worst thing that have ever happened to me, personally. A lot of people will argue that most people don’t really like masks, but just wear them because it’s for the greater good. I guess I’m just built different, because masks are a massive inconvenience for me where getting to remove them brings me even greater joy than knowing that I have fathered a healthy child.


While I’ve never worn a mask correctly (you’ve got to let the nose hang loose — I need to know if I can smell my dick on my hands) the whole mask thing has been terrible for me, even worse than changing my son’s diaper that one time.


It’s for these reasons that I will never forget the beautiful and historic moment that airlines ended their mask mandates and freed the skies from the clutches of fear and tyranny. It was the best day of my life, just slightly better than May 7th 2019 in the afternoon (not sure but I was eating a sandwich so probably around lunch) when my son Jaxon was born.


I was not on a plane during this magical and life-changing moment (when the mandate was lifted). I have no upcoming travel plans, but just the feeling of knowing I wouldn’t have to wear a mask on my next flight to Vegas with the boys honestly brings a tear to my eye (which didn’t happen when my son was born because I was busy eating a sandwich).



This is proof that we are well on our way to beating masks, which is pretty much the same as beating Covid. My wife may birth me more sons, but the end of a mask mandate is once in a lifetime. Unless another pandemic happens and then we have to wear masks again and then eventually not wear masks again, in which case I’ll have even more days that are better than the birth of Jaxon.


Life is so full of blessings, dudes.


My wife says the day Jaxon was born was the best day of her life, in site of the painful 36-hour labor with complications that I caught right around then end when I was done with lunch. I understand that, because the pain and trauma of kind of wearing masks at the grocery store has taken its toll on me, which is perhaps what makes this monumental achievement even sweeter.


Anyway, here’s to breathing in stale-ass farts and pretzels air with no barrier! Goodbye, oppression!