You thought you made the right choice when you got engaged to Bradley, but now you’re having doubts. And on top of that, you’re expected to plan a wedding! So instead of tackling your doubts head-on, try and extend the engagement another few years to give yourself time to explore your feelings for your coworker, Jeremy, just in case. How? With these glamorous, elaborate, difficult, unlikeable, and time-intensive wedding ideas, of course!
Have Your Wedding In Jamaica
Having your wedding in Jamaica is a fun idea if you want to make sure that only your closest friends and family attend. Fortunately, it’s also crazy expensive and time-consuming. Once you make it clear that you will be devastated if you are forced to wed stateside, Bradley will have no choice but to prolong the engagement, giving you some needed time to save money for a Disney cruise with Jeremy from the cubicle next to yours.
65,000 Handcrafted Paper Lanterns
Normal weddings only have a hundred or so paper lanterns, which is super boring. Your wedding needs to be special, Bradley! So in order to make the process leading up to the special day as long as possible, make sure you tell Bradley and your unwilling bridesmaids that they’ll need to help you make 65,000 paper lanterns. Take advantage of these next few years of free manual labor to maybe check out what that whole “Tinder” thing is about. Jeremy seems to love it!
Hire a Famous Child Actor to Be Your Flower Girl
Quvenzhané Wallis is one of Hollywood’s brightest young stars, making her a perfect addition to your special day. Hot off of her blockbuster hit Annie, Quvenzhané will most likely be pretty busy for the next couple of years, so set a date for when she’s in between films and try to get pregnant with Jeremy’s boy (fingers crossed!!) before Bradley can do anything about it. The emotional fallout of this betrayal will certainly extend your engagement long enough for you to really consider whether you want a future with Bradley and the child you had with Jeremy during your engagement to Bradley. You might not be able to sleep at night, but at least you won’t be married!
Decide That Your First Dance Will Be Three Hours Long and Choreographed
Between Bradley’s high-powered job and all the time you’ll insist he spends practicing the dance, there’s no possible way this wedding will happen in less than three years. But trust me, all his hard work will pay off when you have a last-minute panic attack and run away to Jeremy’s house before you can walk down the aisle.
Ask Him to Take Your Last Name, Just As Soon As You Pick a New One
Bradley has always been stubborn, which means there’s no way in hell he will ever take your last name without a fight. Still, this fight would only last about a year. Once he agrees to take your last name, tell him you now feel your last name is just another hallmark of a patriarchal society (since it was your father’s), and that you refuse to wed until you think of a new surname that isn’t steeped in the legacy of female erasure. The next several dozen months of feuding will allow you some much-needed time to think over whether marrying Bradley is really the best option while you begin a new, secret life with Jeremy. That’s a lot of work, but trust us: It will also take a lot of time!
Your wedding is one of the most important days in your life, so make sure to take your time with planning and also exploring your options with Jeremy.