Soup Recipes That Are Almost as Exciting as Butt Stuff

As winter approaches, swathed in a depressing cloud of sensible coats and unquenchable food cravings, you might be wondering, What are some soup recipes that’ll get me almost as excited as butt play? You’re a modern woman battling the cold in the loneliest season of the year, so you’re going to need soup recipes that’ll heat up both your stomach and your loins, sort of! Though none of these soup recipes can truly hold a candle to butt stuff, they are guaranteed to be almost as exciting.


French Onion Soup > Getting Your Butt Eaten

This classic French Onion Soup may not be a finger up your butt, but it’s still pretty thrilling! Combine onions, butter, Gruyere, beef stock, water, and spices in a large pot, and soon you’ll be slurping this delicious soup while wishing Luke were tossing your salad! Maybe next year.


Butternut Squash Soup > Eating Someone’s Butt

Wow! The only sensation that could compete with consuming a warm bowl of Butternut Squash Soup is the pure rush of adrenaline that comes from giving analingus! Throw some chopped up butternut squash, gingerroot, chicken broth, water, and onions in a slow-cooker, and you’ll soon find yourself in a state of winter bliss that could only be eclipsed by heavy butt play! Oh well.



Tomato Bisque > Finger in the Butt

A true classic among soup-lovers, this Tomato Bisque will give you flashbacks childhood holidays with the family, when the smell of Mom’s tomato soup filled the house and you first discovered the magic of your own butthole! Throw together some tomatoes, chicken broth, cream, and spices, and you’ll be transported back to a place of safety and discovery where the soup is hot, and your butthole is hotter!


Chicken Tortilla Soup > Giving it to Luke

An old favorite originally hailing from Mexico, you’ll find the only things distracting you from this beautiful fusion of flavors are the carnal desires you hold south of your borders! Comprised from chicken, cilantro, black beans, avocados and more, this soup will keep you coming back for more, just when you pegged Luke that one time. Miss you, Luke. Miss your butt.



Beef Stew > P in the B

Literally the only thing you’ll want to stew in more than this recipe is the orgasmic feeling of connecting your butt with another body! It’s truly unnecessary to ask “Where’s The Beef?!” of this winter classic, as beef is the main event (but don’t forget the with potatoes, tomatoes, and hearty broth!). The real question is where is Luke’s beef, and why is it not in your butt right now? Ugh.


Hopefully one if not all of these soups will have you licking your lips nearly as much as a good butt sesh! Good luck getting through the winter without it.