The plank is one of the most effective exercises you can do to strengthen your abdominals, back, legs, and sense of self. It’s important that you get the form right so that you not only reap the benefits for your body, but also erase your ex from your mind. When done successfully, a good plank will not only build your muscles, it will help you forget that asshole ever existed. Here’s how to switch up your plank game to make up for May 2013 – October 2015.
1. Straight-arm Plank
Start with your toes and the palms of your hands touching the floor while your body remains in a straight line. Keep your head aligned with your spine. Breathe deeply as you fill your mind with thoughts of things that are not him. Anything: your next meal, puppies, a wet and shivering Patrick Wilson on your doorstep. You have so much time for yourself now. As you hold the plank position, you feel a sense of peace you have not felt since before he cheated on you the first time.
2. Side Plank
Start in a straight-arm plank position. Turn your body so that you are leaning on your left hand while pointing your right hand up in the air. Repeat on the other side. What was his name again? Dave? Dan? All you know is your arms are burning. The pain slowly replaces your knowledge of his personal details. This plank might not be comfortable, but neither was explaining to your loved ones that you were gonna give him another shot.
3. Walking Plank
From a regular plank, place your right forearm on the ground, then your left. Raise yourself up on your palms. Did he have a freckle below his left eye? You can’t recall. His face is slowly fading from your brain. Your core may be engaged, but you, thank god, are no longer. And his once-sharp features are becoming a distant memory. Also your abs are gonna look swole as fuck!
4. Chaturanga Plank
With your shoulders directly above your hands, slowly lower yourself until your body is parallel with the floor. Chaturanga. How do you even spell that, you wonder. Your back hurts. What did his dick look like? You’re not sure. All the dicks you’ve ever seen morph into one as you ponder the spelling of Chaturanga. Hmm. Now you’ll be able to show off your midriff at your cousin’s wedding.
5. Plank Jacks
Do a regular plank with your feet together, then jump them apart. Jump them back together. This is your life now, where the biggest cause of pain is pushing your body, not catching him in yet another lie. Jump your feet apart. He is a misshapen blur at this point. One of many. Jump together. A learning experience, and that is all. Apart. Together. You are free. You are free. You are free. Also your arms look great.
Repeat this circuit until you forget how his head smelled on your pillow!