Chill Greetings for Your Friend’s Boyfriend When You Both Know What He Did

Real friends know how to strike that tricky balance of supporting your friend when she’s in a bad relationship. One night you’re saying, “He’s such an asshole, you should break up with him” and the next night you’re pretending to be cool with the fact that they’re back together and cuddling on your sofa. You don’t want your friend to think that you don’t totally understand her decision to keep dating terrible men, but you don’t owe him anything, so here are four chill greetings for your friend’s boyfriend when you both know what he did.


“I haven’t seen you in a while…”

You heard all about how he sexted another girl, so kick your greeting off with an icy nod to how absent he’s been. Pointing out his distance in a way that feels natural is the perfect way to use your feigned ignorance to make Brian feel uncomfortable, assuming he has any shame left.



When the two of them show up to the party that you were originally planning on going to –without guys, greet him with pointed enthusiasm so your friend knows you understand. Saying “Heyyyy!” isn’t just a greeting, it’s a pointed message that you think it’s fucked up that he snooped on her phone. Your stern expression will let him know you know that he violated her privacy, and you will be watching him like a hawk for the duration of the evening.


Fist Bump in Such a Way That He Knows That He Better Start Treating Her Hobbies as Valid and Interesting

The enduring problem she has with the lack of respect he shows her was supposedly a deal-breaker, but here he is at her work party, holding her hand. Try to send the respect for her complex and multifaceted life that you have for your friend through your conjoined fists. Her interests are valid, and he needs to respect that!



Whisper, “If you call her a needy bitch again, I’ll kill you.”

Sometimes you need to be direct. Pull your best gal’s guy into a hug, then give a boa constrictor-like grip. He needs to know that sexist slurs are not how you treat people you supposedly love. The key is to make him fear for his life, all while letting your friend know that the three of you are thick as thieves.


Now you have all the tricks you need to let your friend know that you respect her decisions, and let her boyfriend know that you will never forgive him, each and every time he fucks up.