You and your partner have wanted to name your baby girl Emma for the longest time. Unfortunately, a close friend beat you to the punch by naming her preemie the same name. Not to worry! Here are some names that are just as, if not more, magical, amazing, and wonderful as Emma. After all, this isn’t a competition, right?
Ella
Close to Emma, but not. Meaning “soft-spoken” and “wonderful enchantress,” Ella will be the girl Emma wishes she were. Ella is a mystical creature who has the ability to fly. She can wear white without spilling on it and never poops. She will sleep only in a dancer’s turnout and her sneezes sound like tiny angels hugging. When Ella turns 18 she will be gifted control of the South Wind.
Caprici
Pronounced “Cuh-pree-cee,” Caprici is a natural-born adventurer. While Emma moves back into her parents’ home after college to save some money, Caprici will be the girl who travels the world without ever spending a dime. With the same mystique as Carmen San Diego, Caprici will be the girl men stop conversations to stare at. Eternally interesting and unique, Caprici will be able to live her life without ever having to run to Kinkos to print out a resume. Emma, meanwhile, will fucking live at Kinkos.
Lorimer
From Brooklyn, Lorimer is the girl punk bands write songs about. While Emma wonders which wrap dress to buy from Forever 21, Lorimer will be wondering which vinyl to play in her oversized Soho loft. Her hair will fall effortlessly down to her waist, nary a dead end in sight. Sporting her sheer Alexander Wang top and septum piercing, Lorimer will casually slip into conversation that she is actually a mermaid.
Riley
Inherently charismatic, Riley will be able to use her sense of humor to influence the masses. While Emma wonders why her car isn’t starting, Riley will be accepting her seventh Emmy for the second series she’s created. She will easily make the list of Time’s 100 Most Influential People, then refuse to change out of her jeans for the photoshoot. Oprah will refer to Riley as, “the person who keeps me grounded.”
Moonbeam
With an aura of deepest indigo, Moonbeam will bring an indefinable sensation of warmth wherever she goes. While Emma ponders whether to pull her string cheese apart or just bite into it, Moonbeam will effortlessly excel at structural biochemistry. Not only will she make huge strides in her chosen filed (stem cell research), but she will have the ability to persuade critics to embrace her with just a smile. She will pull a “Frankenstein” and resurrect Albert Einstein. She will win a Nobel Prize for this research. Emma will win five dollars in the lottery, but forget to cash in her winnings.
Aria
Meaning “Princess of the North Star,” Aria will be a natural born leader. While Emma sits at home and waits for the Comcast guy to come, Aria will be celebrated by the world for her exceptional use of telekinesis. Aria will not only discover life on other planets, but will also be the common denominator in a multi-national quest to destroy all nuclear weapons.
By naming your baby girl these names, you will make sure that Emma and her silly name is nothing but an afterthought to your friends. Your little girl will leave your friends saying, “Oh, wow, Moonbeam is so cute in this picture next to whatever-her-shitty-name-is!” And isn’t that something we can all aspire to?
