The Clumsy Girl’s Guide to Removing Semen Stains

You’re a silly girl with a super cute habit of tripping over your Mary Janes and spilling your cran-vodka on your date’s lap. But what’s a clumsy girl to do when her klutzy actions follow her into the bedroom? Usually, you’d be fine just shakin’ it off, but some stains are harder to get out than others (we’re talking about those capital-S Semen Stains!). Got some jizz on your new blouse? Whoopsie daisy! We’ve got your back, you gorgeous little stumblebum!


Stain: Semen

Fix: Lemon Juice

Anything acidic will help break down the stain (we think?). It’s an old trick, so like your great grandma always said, “When life gives you lemons, use them to remove a semen stain.” Just don’t accidentally shoot it in your eye, or in his penis hole. Ouch! That stings! Sooo awkward!


Stain: Cum

Fix: A Rag

After your guy blows his load he will probably reach for a rag or tissue he keeps by his bed to wipe off his junk. Ask if you can also use that rag. Then, try wiping at the stain with the parts of the rag that don’t have more of his semen on it. Uh, oh this is a disaster. Classic you! Run out of his apartment and explain later! Girl, you’re such a klutz!


Stain: Jizz

Fix: A Brooch

Maybe you could still wear the blouse, but cover it with a classic brooch? That blouse was really pretty and you just bought it. Ugh! Being a clumsy girl can really stink sometimes! You’re lucky you’re cute.


Stain: Splooge

Fix: Baby Powder

We don’t know if this will actually work, but for some reason he has a lot of it in his bathroom so it’s worth a shot. Oh boy. Now you look like a cute ghost! He and you can’t help but laugh at all this cum-induced nonsense.


Stain: Cummy Cum Cum

Fix: Recycle

That stain doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere soon. Rats! That’s what you get for being such a flighty but adorable bonehead. Don’t wear this as a blouse anymore. Donate it to be your guy’s new rag collection, and poof! You just recycled this oopsie into a gift he’ll love over and over again! Wear one of his socks as a tube top until it accidentally slides down your torso exposing your adorable boobs.


There, all better! Cum: fixed. Now, what are we gonna do about you, missy? Teehee!