Keeping your pregnancy news private is tough for anyone, but even more so when you’re the type of person who almost always has a drink in your hand. If you’re newly pregnant and don’t want to jinx it by telling everyone, these tips will help keep your pregnancy quiet, even though your friends will definitely still suspect something is off when you’re not holding a glass of vodka for six hours a day.
Wear loose, flowy tops.
These shirts totally cover up your shape and hide your fast-growing stomach. Unfortunately, everyone will be much more concerned with why you’re drinking club soda instead of your Tuesday night regular, gin and soda.
Accessorize with a big, chunky belt.
A large belt creates an hourglass figure that camouflages your baby bump, but won’t camouflage you skipping out on happy hour this week. In fact, the last time you missed $3.00 rail drinks was for a funeral, so you better come up with an excuse fast!
Hold a pillow in front of your stomach, always.
The pillow totally blocks your growing belly from view. Yeah, your friends will think it’s strange that you’re carrying a cushion from room to room, but they’ll be more curious about why you aren’t drinking wine. I mean, it’s 7PM on a Sunday and you’re watching Pride and Prejudice. What’s going on?
Suggest going out for sushi soon.
Everyone knows pregnant ladies shouldn’t eat fish, so throw your friends off your fertile scent by suggesting a sushi date. Quietly order a salad at your sushi brunch. After you do, they’ll be like, “So, why didn’t you order endless Bloody Marys; you know we’re at brunch, right?”
Claim to be on a new diet.
Cutting out alcohol is a fast way to drop some weight, so tell your friends about your new alcohol-free, healthy lifestyle. They’ll support you until they remember that your slogan is “Nothing tastes as good as being drunk feels which is even better than being skinny,” and will demand to know the real reason you left your flask at home.
These tips to conceal your pregnancy for at least a few months, but they won’t cover up the fact that you’ve stopped being a huge lush. Remember: Everyone can see right through you and your new, boring, water-filled Nalgene, you preggo!