How to Talk to a Coworker When Her Perfume Attracts Badgers

Getting along with your coworkers is important, and so is smelling good. After all, a woman’s favorite scent is a reflection of her personality, and any criticism is likely to be taken personally, especially if that scent attracts an infestation of agitated badgers. Follow the tips below to maintain a pleasant and badger-free workplace.


Make Sure You Know Whose Perfume It Is
When you show up to work and there’s a badger in your snack drawer, it may be tempting to blame the coworker who smells like woodland musk right off the bat. Before confronting her, however, consider other possibilities. Maybe your office building is built on a badger sett and the cubs just reached sexual maturity! Perhaps one of the maintenance workers left an open container of earthworms and berries in the break room. Avoiding kneejerk assumptions prevents unnecessary conflict from adding to the issue of there being straight-up badgers everywhere.


Be Ready to Go It Alone
Once you’ve determined that your coworker’s perfume is indeed 100% pure badger pheromones, it’s ideal to gather a group of coworkers to address the problem. However, be prepared to confront your coworker by yourself, as some people would rather be marked with badger poop than cause a scene or help construct a barricade. Also, try not to involve management. Most managers dislike tattle-tales, and they have many important tasks to deal with that don’t involve sorting out who is or isn’t instigating a badger fiesta.



Communicate clearly and directly
As the badgers become hopped-up on vicious lust, you can’t afford to beat around the bush (which is a literal bush in the office that is also full of badgers). Sending a floor-wide email stating, “Whoever’s perfume is attracting badgers needs to STOP,” allows your coworker to dodge responsibility, and she may not even know you’re referring to her. Similarly, telling her “Well, somebody must love wading through a badger orgy every morning” may make her feel criticized, but it won’t help her understand or correct her actions.


Be Firm, but Professional
When approaching your coworker about her badger stank, don’t present a weak or indecisive front. Saying, “Hey Kelsey, my workstation is now more badgers than desk, can you please consider doing something about it?” doesn’t convey how urgently a solution is needed. Conversely, shouting, “You have brought this plague of badgers upon us! I curse you!” will have the office talking about your overemotional reaction rather than the badgers. A polite but authoritative statement such as, “Kelsey, a badger bit off my toes this morning. Please use a different perfume,” avoids provocation without leaving any room either for interpretation or for further badgers to sneak through.


Follow these steps, and your office will be rid of rabid mammals and claw wounds in no time. And your coworker will probably thank you!