Woman Getting ‘Late Start’ Just Sleeping In

New York residents were shocked this week after Ivy Thompson’s “late start” to Sunday brunch was discovered to be “just sleeping in.”


Suspicions arose when friend Bridget Shah reported Thompson as being nearly an hour late, and “out of breath” but “extremely well-dressed.”


“Ivy had texted that ‘things were crazy this morning’ and she ‘got a late start.’” Shah explains. “She had time to style a braid crown, but couldn’t show up for bottomless mimosas? I hope she knows she can be honest with us. It’s just brunch.”


Things began to sink in when Thompson provided only vague details about why she was late, murmuring words like “dog” and “train.”


Another friend, Maritza Lopez, also expressed doubt, saying, “‘It doesn’t sound like things were crazy this morning.”



Thompson’s roommate, who asked to remain anonymous, said Thompson was “hitting snooze” well past her original wake-up time, “pulling the covers over her face” in a way that indicated “more sleeping” and “less waking up.”


Some have concluded that Thompson’s “late start” was “highly controllable” and “not real.”


“An overflowing toilet, a sick dog, curtains on fire… Now those are late starts,” Lopez says. “But she was just sleeping. What the hell?”


Not all friends are convinced.


“We know things have been crazy for her,” sister Rose Thompson says. “We don’t know exactly how, but I’m sure they’re definitely crazy.”


Those involved aren’t sure what the next steps are.


“She borrowed my phone charger a year and a half ago and hasn’t given it back because ‘work’s really hectic,’” Lopez states. “Is that another bullshit lie too? I hope she knows she can stop doing this.”


Thompson was contacted for an interview, but failed to show up due to “how nuts things were today.”