The Types of Men You’ll Date in Your 30s, None of Whom Are Paul

These are certain types of guys that every woman will date in her 30s. Some are good, some are bad, but none of them are Paul, who broke your heart almost a decade ago. Here’s every type of man move on to, none of whom will ever, ever match up to Paul.


The Actor Fresh Out of College

You might have a fling with a much younger man with washboard abs and a passion for drama. He’ll think it’s sexy that you’ve lived and loved (Paul, for a long time, and probably still now). He’s the same age as Paul was when you two met—does that mean you’re casually sleeping with a guy who’s had a co-star role on Telenovela for the wrong reasons? Maybe! Whatever. Doesn’t matter. He not Paul.


Mr. Good On Paper

He’s the man who is so impossibly perfect he shouldn’t exist, but somehow he does. He looks like a male model, has a high-paying, white-collar job and is kind to animals. How is he real?? Obviously it won’t last because something’s missing in person, mostly that he’ll never be Paul no matter how much he knows about expensive wines.


The Divorcé Who’s Not Over His Ex

Everybody goes through this phase: He’s good with kids, but he’s not over his ex even though they got divorced five years ago. Lame! You’ll have to contend with the fact that he’ll constantly be thinking of her when he’s with you, searching for her face in yours, which will actually give you some more time to think about Paul. Savor it before he realizes he’s made a mistake!



The Man You Marry

Every woman in her 30s eventually dates the man she comes to marry. You should never settle, but hey, you did! He’s safe, stable and works as a corporate lawyer. Once you fully accept that Paul is out of your life for good (JK never stop believing), you’ll stop putting off that sushi date he keeps on asking you out on. You’ll learn to love him. You’ll adopt rescue dogs! It’ll be cool. But he’ll never be Paul, even if you accidentally call him that every time you have sex.



You called Paul in the middle of the night when you were in Dallas on business and he responded. So, for just one night, you get to remember his arms, his smell. But Paul in your 30s isn’t the same as Paul in your 20s. He’s older, has a weird bald spot and is technically cheating on his estranged wife. As much as Paul tries to be Paul, he’ll never be Paul.


But forget about that part – please come back, Paul. Please!!