When Molly Spinder went through a difficult breakup last month, she had a hard time adapting to being single. That is, until she discovered the one benefit to life without a partner: eating as much garlic as you want without repercussions. The 27-year old has now reportedly been eating as much garlic as possible – and loving every minute of it.
Spinder initially struggled to find joy again after things ended with her boyfriend of five years, but was luckily reminded that even a single woman has reasons to wake up in the morning. For example, a single woman can wake up and eat a spicy garlic stir-fry for breakfast.
“I’ve been down in the dumps since Adrian left me,” says Molly. “But you know what helps me? Domino’s Garlic Dipping Sauce.”
Sources confirm that Spinder has indeed found a way to replace Adrian with all things garlic.
“When Adrian and I’d go out to dinner, I’d never order anything too garlic-y out of consideration for my partner,” says Molly. “But now that he’s out of the picture, this mouth is all for me and I can destroy it with as many garlic shrimp as I want. Sometimes I wake up sweating in the middle of the night because the garlic taste won’t go away. But I’m alone in my bed so who cares. Not me!”
Spinder’s friends feel a little differently about her newfound food freedom.
“I will always be there to support Molly,” says Molly’s new roommate Enid Franklin. “But I physically cannot stand near her anymore. Her breath is atrocious. It’s like she just bit into a garlic clove.”
Molly confirms that she did not bite into a garlic clove, however she did just bite into a garlic knot.
“Being in a relationship dragged me down, but now I finally feel like the real me,” says Molly. “And who I am is an independent single woman who pours garlic powder on her pizza like it’s parmesan.”
Despite Molly’s new lease on life that involves eating a shit ton of garlic, her boss, Marcia Grint, has definitely noticed a change.
“She smells like a dump truck,” says Marcia. “If vampires were real, let’s just say she’d be successfully warding them off.”
Even so, Molly insists eating garlic at every opportunity has allowed her to realize she is more powerful on her own.
“I do miss Adrian a lot of the time,” says Molly. “But whenever I do, I stuff my face with something pungent and remember: This is the meal of a woman who doesn’t need a man.”