Following a recent spate of restaurant debacles, it has been discovered that your friend Stephanie is meaner to waitstaff when she isn’t wearing her good bra.
“I don’t really get the correlation,” said Stephanie. “But it has proven to be true.”
Stephanie, who rotates through three bras but is only a huge bitch to food service employees while she’s wearing the bad one in particular, went on to explain her perspective.
“I’m usually really nice to waitstaff,” said Stephanie. “But I turn into a massive bitch whenever I wear that bra where the straps are too loose and the band is like way up on my back and my right boob is just kind of half popping out for some reason.”
“When my girls feel bad, everybody feels bad,” she added.
Friends of Stephanie have expressed their relief at getting to the bottom of this mystery.
“It was uncanny,” said Lauren Li, longtime friend and frequent dining partner. “I always thought Steph’s boobs looked kind of droopy on the days that she was an absolute asshole to our waiter. So I’m glad I’m not crazy.”
“I’m so relieved we’ve figured out the root of the issue,” added her friend Nisha. “Now we we know to only get lunch with her if she’s in her sports bra.”
Stephanie, who has made it a point to only wear her good bras from now on, has a few theories.
“It could be because I like myself less when my tits are at their worst,” said Stephanie. “Or maybe it’s because my good bra was really expensive and I feel rich when I wear it.”
“Whatever the case, I’m just glad it’s over,” she added. “I just wish we’d figured it out before I got banned from Cheesecake Factory.”