Woman Single on Valentine’s Day Also a Nobel Prize Winner

Sloane Henderson, a seemingly eternal spinster, is facing another Valentines Day alone this year. Henderson, who happens to be a 2014 Nobel Peace Prize Winner, has not been able to form any kind of meaningful or lasting romantic relationship in anticipation of the holiday, instead wasting time authoring numerous books that have graced The New York Times Best Seller list over the past decade and gaining worthless currency as Time Magazine’s Person of the Year in 2013.


“She’s always by herself, but to be alone on Valentine’s Day is especially sad,” says Brenda Melkie, a barista at Henderson’s usual coffee shop. “I hope I don’t end up like her.”


This unwed and unengaged female is known for her work with facilitating international adoptions from countries that do not adhere to the rules set forth in the Hague Convention on the Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Inter-Country Adoption, and also for having flat hair that could be nice if she’d just do something with it.


“She was a hero for me and for my child, but seriously, who wants to be single on V-Day?” asks Nina James, an adoptive mother whose son was finally able to come home with her after being mired in Vietnam’s orphanage system for three years. “She could at least make an effort to go out more.”



Henderson hasn’t been in an official relationship for nearly four years, citing career stress and frequent international travel as reasons she hasn’t had time for dating. “Oh sure, I’m proud of her,” says Henderson’s mother, Tara Henderson. “I just wonder if she had only taken all the effort she put into championing helpless children trapped in the maw of poverty, and put it toward finding a boyfriend, that she’d have a guy to take her to dinner on Saturday.”


She adds, “But yes, the whole orphan thing is great.”


When questioned about her plans for Valentine’s Day, given the tragedy that she’s single, Henderson responded, “I’m getting dinner with 15 of my closest friends at my favorite restaurant. Then afterward, my friends are making me meet one of their cousins, who apparently has a job and is single.”


What’s most frightening is that Henderson’s insurmountable success has blinded her to the fact that she’s going to be completely and utterly alone on Valentine’s Day. “It really puts things into perspective with all of the problems going on in the world, and how this is the worst one,” says Christophe Bernasconi, Secretary General of the Hague Conference. “It’s just sad.”