You’ve been together for a while now, and you love him, but something doesn’t feel quite right. Sometimes, as he’s chowing down on Mom’s famous spaghetti and meatballs, you can’t help but wonder: Is he really in it for the long haul? Here are some signs that he’s only after one thing: your mother’s authentic Italian cooking.
He only wants to hang out at dinnertime on Sundays.
Does he make excuses when you suggest a movie during the week or museum visit on Saturday? Does he claim that Sundays are his only truly stress-free days, and he doesn’t like to hang out with you when he’s stressed? Well, it’s no secret that the Lord’s Day is reserved for a traditional, early afternoon Italian dinner with family. And for the occasional Sunday you spend at home, your parents will usually drop by in their fiat to drop off a CorningWare dish of meatballs swimming in tomato sauce. Does this guy even kiss you?
He prioritizes all family events, like your distant cousin’s first communion.
He couldn’t make it to your birthday party, but he left work early to attend Aunt Rosie’s 80th birthday barbeque. He wouldn’t skip baseball practice to help you move, but he took off work to commute out-of-state for cousin Anthony’s engagement party. These family events have one tempting thing in common: a 20-by-12-inch aluminum tray full of savory meatballs. Wait, when was the last time he said, “I love you” NOT to a bowl of meatballs?
He always seems to have an empty Tupperware container with him.
The first time you saw a plastic box fall out of his messenger bag, you assumed it was from his lunch earlier that day. But then, after a few more occurrences, you started to notice how clean and unused it always is. You’re no jamoke; You know this means he’s prepared to “get lucky” and load up on those meatballs at any point.
You’ve caught him rummaging through your freezer more than once.
He knows you keep leftovers at the back of the freezer, and you know it only takes a few minutes to make ice cream sundaes mid-Game of Thrones. When you ask what he’s looking for, does he say “nothing” or “I was just seeing if there was another flavor of ice cream” even though he knows you only ever have Neapolitan because you’re friggin’ weird like that? Chances are, he’s been scoping out the frozen meatball situation behind your back and not owning up to it. This guy is trash.
You shouldn’t have to compete for his attention. It’s time to find someone whose mouth waters only for you—well, at least mostly for you. Those meatballs are really good!