How To Tell if He’s Too Old to Skateboard or Too Young to Be Your Boyfriend

It happens to the best of us: One day you’re riding on the back of a skateboard with your guy, congratulating yourself for being so spontaneous, and the next day you’re wondering if you’re breaking the law by dating a minor. If you’re worried your man is lying about either his age or his maturity level, know the signs before you either get your heart broken or arrested!


He’s Graduating Soon

He’s been talking for weeks about how excited he is to graduate, but is he graduating from high school or was that mention of getting a bicycle a sign that’s he’s graduating to a more adult method of transportation? If you don’t remember him discussing a bachelor’s, master’s or doctorate degree and you’re pretty sure you imagined the bike comment, there’s a solid chance you’re dating a member of the high school class of 2016. Get off that skateboard!



He Lives With His Parents

You were willing to let this fact slide when he talked about how hard it was to get a good job without a college degree, or when he was trying to save money to move in with his best friend, Ted. But now that you’ve met his mom and she asked if “you kids needed a ride to the park,” it’s time to reevaluate whether he’s your immature boyfriend who still rides a skateboard, or an actual boy who rides a skateboard.


He Doesn’t Have a Driver’s License

When the bouncer asked for his ID and he handed him a state ID from Missouri, you were a little thrown off. While it’s possible he never learned to drive because he grew up in the city, it’s critically important that you don’t keep ignoring the fact that he mentioned he recently failed his learner’s permit test three times. You need to know if he’s skateboarding for the wrong reasons or the right reasons, but either way you shouldn’t be dating him.


He Always Has a Pizza With Him

At first it was a fun quirk that he carried a pizza everywhere he went, but now you’re starting to wonder why he always gives it to someone else in exchange for cash. Be wary to the possibility that he’s a teen pizza delivery boy on a skateboard.


He’s Doing No-Shave November

You thought it was cute that he was participating in a fun trend, but is he actively choosing not to shave, or has he never had to shave before? Check his medicine cabinet for razors and his face for stubble before you he becomes your bae who always wears a Supreme snapback.



He Just Came

Did he just have an orgasm that felt like the first time, or was it actually his first time? If he wrecked his pants when you took your coat off, you might have to ask yourself some questions about whether he just hit puberty or a mid-life crisis.


Now that you have the tools to discover whether you’re committing a crime or falling in love with an adult man, get out there and find yourself a more mature boyfriend or a lawyer. Good luck!