Self-Proclaimed ‘Intellectual’ Doesn’t Know What ‘Rizz’ Means

Liza Walters, a 28-year-old living in Camden, NJ, has always been a voracious reader. When asked almost any question regarding quantum physics or classical literature, she can quote exact formulas and passages without batting an eye. However, despite all this alleged “knowledge” she possesses, she somehow has no idea what “rizz” means.


Looks like she’s just an idiot after all!


Liza often prides herself on her ability to read 400-page books in a day, remember complex theories quickly, and refrain from getting sucked into popular social media apps such as X/Twitter, Instagram, or TikTok. However, this distance from social media also means that she has absolutely no idea what anyone her age or younger is ever talking about.


What a total dummy!


“Just because I don’t know a new slang word doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy reading or learning about new subjects,” Lisa told reporters. “I mean, no one in the world knows absolutely everything, so is it really such a big deal?”


Yes, girl! You need to get the hell on TikTok!


Upon hearing about Liza’s confusion, many of her educational role models expressed their shock.


“I thought Liza was extremely gifted from the very beginning,” Dorothy Matthews, Liza’s former professor, told reporters. “But at this point, everyone knows what ‘rizz’ means. I’m honestly embarrassed that I ever called her one of my brightest students. She’s obviously dumb as hell.”


Sources close to Liza confirmed that she also doesn’t know the meanings of the terms “ratioed,” “yassify,” or “oomf,” along with many other online slang words. 


“She’s really gonna have to hit the books,” Liza’s mother Kelly Walters told reporters. “And by ‘books’, I mean all of the social media apps that almost everyone else is using. Hell, even I know what ‘rizz’ means, and the only social media I have is Facebook.”



Wow, what does Liza know?


As of press time, Liza had given in to her loved ones’ advice and downloaded TikTok but was so overcome with new vocabulary that she decided to delete it again in exchange for never calling herself an intellectual again. 


“It’s just easier this way,” she told reporters while reading Anna Karenina for the twelfth time. “I guess I’m stupid, but at least I never have to learn what ‘mogging’ is.”