Retro! This Woman is Marrying a Man

If you love a good throwback, then Caroline Frank is about to give you a nostalgia overload: This 26-year-old woman is getting married, and she’s doing it with a man!


The non-ironic and legally binding wedding is taking place in September where the bride and groom are expected to stand under an arched trellis and kiss in front of their living family members. So vintage!


“I’m really excited,” said Caroline. “Wedding planning is notoriously stressful, and I’m sure mine will be no different, but I’m trying to have fun with it.”


After Caroline and the man get married, they will stay married until one of them dies or they make the tough decision to divorce due to irreconcilable differences. And get this – they are doing a traditional “gift registry”!


“I guess what I’m looking forward to the most is what starts after the wedding ends,” said Caroline. “Just being married.”




Despite the tradish vibes of the wedding, Caroline is not bringing a dowry to the marriage, nor has she been prohibited from engaging in sex prior to the ceremony.


“We met in college,” said Caroline of the man she is doing marriage to. “And I’ve just never felt more connected to someone. He makes me feel loved and understood, and most importantly, we always make each other laugh.”




Caroline and the groom’s families do not stand to gain a mutually beneficial political alliance from the union.


“Caroline getting married is so 80s!” said her sister, Quinn Frank. “Like who is she, our parents? I don’t get it all.”


The wedding-themed party is aiming for complete verisimilitude and will include a DJ, drunken speeches, and a little girl who has a crush on one of the groomsmen who will dance with her while everyone’s like “aw” but also “hopefully he’s not creepy”.



“It isn’t a wedding-themed party, it’s a wedding,” said Caroline. “People get married all the time, it’s not weird.”


Okay, retro queen! Have fun getting “married” to your “husband”!!