In a concerning report coming out of your apartment as you microwave another frozen pizza for lunch, you realized your nutritional needs are simply not being met anymore without your mom coming into your room with a plate of cut fruit on the daily like when you were a kid.
Experts say this is a common phenomenon among many twenty-somethings living on their own.
“Obviously, a lack of any vitamins and minerals often starts in college, where students subsist off of shitty cafeteria pizzas and dollar ramen,” says public health associate Dr. Andrea Zou. “But what was curious to see was that these subpar nutrition standards often continue into the mid-20s and beyond – that is, until we realized no one was really taking care of their diet, not like their mom did at home by constantly bringing them orange slices or cubes of melon.”
You report trying other low-effort ways to get some nutrition in your life, like getting Chipotle bowls on the regular, drinking Emergen-C, and taking daily vitamins every other week. But researchers say nothing hits quite the same as that plate of cut fruit.
“I guess every time I mindlessly shoveled apple slices into my mouth while on the computer, I never thought about the time and effort it took for my mom to do that for me,” you say. “Now what am I supposed to do, buy and cut my own fruit? That’s just not the same.”
Sources report you do occasionally buy fruit when at Trader Joe’s, only for it to be shoved behind the tortilla chips and forgotten about until it turns moldy.
“I really just miss having fruit all ready and cut for me available at all times,” you tell reporters. “Without that accessibility, fruit isn’t worth it.”
Experts also caught up with your mom, who worries.
“I saw how they used to eat after school,” your mom says. “It would just be bags and bags of chips unless I brought them some fruit to balance it out. I hope they’re eating better now.”
You are in fact, not eating better, and miss your mom’s love language of preparing fruit for you.
“Maybe it’s time for a visit home,” you say. “To see my family – and so I don’t get scurvy.”
