Reports indicate that your mom has chosen to read aloud the emotional birthday card you grabbed quickly at CVS on your way over.
“Mom, you’re my biggest role model. You mean everything to me,” your mom says, in front of your sister, brother-in-law and several nieces who were not prepared for this sudden onset of emotion and do not yet realize these are just the words that were printed on the card.
You thought your mom was going to read it later on by herself, but she is now loudly reciting it to your whole family in order to be heard over the television and your stepdad using the vacuum in the other room.
“When I’m at my lowest lows,” your mom shouts. “You are there.”
“What is this? Who wrote this?” asks your 11-year-old niece from the back of the room.
Trying to personalize these random words, you went out on a limb and underlined key words, causing your mom to exaggerate them and even change her inflection as she reads.
“You have shown me HOW TO BE A BETTER PERSON. Thank you for SUPPORTING ME and LIFTING ME UP,” she says, as if she were performing a monologue at the local theatre.
“It just sucks because I only had time to look in that section where the cards have animal faces on the front,” explained your sister. “She’s reading this novel and then she’s gonna open my card, which has a Hippo on it and a quick, ‘Happy birthday’.”
Sources say your Mom was forced to take a break when one of her cats jumped on her during the reading, giving the room a chance to breathe and regroup.
“It’s not your birthday,” your mom says to the cat, guiding him off the couch. “Did I tell you guys what happened last week with the cat? He just laid in the same box all day. I left work and came back and he was still in it. It was hysterical.”
Despite social cues pointing to growing embarrassment in the room, your mom launches back into the most emotional section of the card, printed in a flourished script.
“Wait, what does this say?” says your mom, confused. “I’m sorry, can somebody find my glasses? I just had them.”
“I don’t really want to read this anymore,” your nephew announces.
“Honey I promise to read the rest of it later,” says your mom, unaware that you had not hoped for this.