DIY Project Just Assumes You Own a Screwdriver

In a story about the dangers of being too presumptuous, the DIY project you were on the cusp of attempting just flippantly assumed that you owned a screwdriver.


Not really sure where they got that idea!


The assumption came as a shock to you, as you were operating under the idea that “DIY” meant that you would, in fact, be able to complete this project yourself – without the assistance of a seasoned maintenance professional or the operation of what are essentially power tools.


“I think this project grossly overestimated the meaning of ‘do it yourself,’” you told reporters, even though you have had to re-read the cooking instructions every time you make pasta. “Who has a screwdriver just lying around, let alone any basic household tool?”


“It’s just like, I’m going to be doing this project in my apartment, not a Home Depot,” you continued. “I don’t have access to advanced construction materials like a screwdriver, or a hammer, or scissors!”


While sources confirmed that this was the first DIY project you had ever attempted, you adamantly refuted the implications that you went into it unprepared – stating that you had purchased what you believed to be the necessary supplies to get the job done.


“I bought everything I thought I would need,” you said. “But then the project instructions went and listed tools that no normal person would ever have on hand.”



“It’s like when you’re looking at a recipe online and they expect you to have a supermarket’s worth of spices just sitting in your cupboard. I’m not a Trader Joe’s – I have salt and pepper, and that’s it! And I’m lying about the pepper!”


When asked if the inclusion of screws in the project’s list of materials should have clued you in about needing a screwdriver, you stated, quite adamantly, that you didn’t think so.


“I’ve just always assumed you’re supposed to throw that little bag of screws away. You know, like how you throw away the little silica packet that comes with a pair of new shoes? Like that. How was I supposed to know that you’re meant to actually use them?”


At press time, after eventually agreeing to purchase a screwdriver, you had finally sat down to begin DIYing. However, upon seeing that the first step called for a standard ruler, you immediately abandoned the project and accepted defeat, stating, “A ruler? What am I, a mathematician?”