REPORT: Mom Flabbergasted, Dumbfounded, Awestruck That You Can Read in This Light

A report emerging from the living room of your childhood home confirms that your mother is flabbergasted, dumbfounded, awestruck, and altogether rendered speechless by the notion that you’re able to read in this light. 


“My jaw is on the floor,” she said after finding you reading a book by the floor-to-ceiling window in direct view of the sun. “You can read like this?”


According to eyewitnesses at the scene, the living room is pretty bright, seeing as it is only 6:45pm in Tuscon, AZ, where the sun sets around eight.


“Yeah, it’s not too bad!” you replied, you idiot fool. 


“Impossible!” she continued. “I, myself, am blinded by the lack of light!” She then went out of her way to stumble over the couch, even though it was extremely visible. She began clawing her way over to you despite the fact that, as mentioned, the room was “dim” at most.


“You’re going to damage your eyesight!” she continued, without specifying evidence to support this claim. “You’ll go blind!”


Reporters speculate the worst possible consequence would be eye strain, and ocular experts confirm this would be a really roundabout way to go blind. 


“I honestly don’t mind it,” you replied, trying to put her at ease. “I read like this all the time. It’s pretty bright, even!”


This rebuttal was too little too late, as your mom had already called your dad into the room to look at the conditions in which you had chosen to live. 


“Michael! Get in here!” she yelled. “You’re going to want to see this! Your kid is doing something remarkable and stupid.”


Your dad barreled down the stairs, took one look around the living room, and said, “Wow, you can read in this light?”


At this point, you figured it would be best not to resist. 


“Okay,” you conceded, eager to get back to your book. “I guess it is a little dark.”



By the time you said “I guess,” your mom had already begun turning on every single light in the house, including her own bedroom light upstairs. 


As of press time, you’d finished reading and left the living room, at which point your dad chastised you for leaving any of the lights on. 


“Jesus, I don’t work for the electricity company!” he said, turning off every single light and plunging the house into complete darkness.