REPORT: If You Haven’t Brushed Your Teeth Yet You May as Well Wait ‘Til Tonight

A new report reveals that if you haven’t brushed your teeth yet when you read this, then you may as well just wait till you’re getting ready for bed tonight.


The report by the American Association for Dental Research shows that brushing your teeth at least twice a day is the best practice for oral hygiene, but with that being said, it’s not gonna make a difference if you wait a few or several hours until you’re gonna do it anyway.


“Science, medicine, dentistry: These overlapping fields are all undergirded by the humbling yet exciting knowledge that there will always be more to discover,” says Dr. Miriam Kadiri. “And that knowledge was very present when we finally discovered that if you didn’t brush your teeth this morning, you kind of missed the boat, and you can just be extra thorough tonight or whatever.”


This finding comes as welcome news to you, but there are those who remain incredulous about the conclusion of the study.


“This doesn’t seem airtight at all,” says your friend, Benji Jacobson. “Like, if you’re home and have access to your toothbrush, just brush your teeth.”



“Why spend the day with a gnarly sour mouth full of bacteria?” Jacobson adds. “Plus, what if you have plans between now and tonight? What if you’re going to work? What if you’re going on a date?”


While such searing criticism initially took you aback, the experts were able to straighten things out for you.


“From a dentist’s perspective,” says Dr. Kadiri, “it’s like, don’t be fucking annoying about it.”


“Obviously, if you have a date, you brush your teeth before; that’s standard practice. Even if you did brush your teeth that morning, you would still brush them again before a date, right? No one’s gonna think of anything we haven’t thought of already, and we’re totally sure that you should just wait, especially because you’re probably gonna have an afternoon coffee anyway, so what’s the point?”


Though reading so much about brushing your teeth has kind of made you want to brush your teeth right now, you have resolved to just wait till bedtime as science supports.