New Facebook Algorithm Automatically Deletes Marriages Under 200 Likes

Later this month, Facebook is set to debut a new algorithm that will mark any marriage announcements with under 200 likes for deletion.


“We’ve created a highly effective method to distinguish which marriage announcements are worth looking at and which are not,” said Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. “With so much news already clogging up Facebook timelines, we decided to take extra steps to eliminate the possibility of more things you don’t need to know about.”


Released to beta testers two weeks ago, the new feature has received mostly positive feedback.


“So many of my old friends, classmates, and acquaintances are getting married right now,” said tester Bia Fields. “So it’s helpful to know which ones are actually worth acknowledging and which ones are obviously a waste of time based on the amount of likes they’ve gotten.”


“A good marriage gets 300 likes, easy,” added Frank Lister. “I’d rather see more videos of dogs doing stupid things than another mediocre marriage proposal. This is a good use of the algorithm.”



Other users have mixed feelings about it.


“It’s brutal, but it’s necessary,” added Roger Wu, and avid Facebooker. “If we’re going to focus on content that really matters, we have to eliminate the fluff. And if your marriage post didn’t make the cut, then hey, you might get more likes on a divorce.”


At press time, the CEO and his team were looking into their next venture: monitoring and hiding pictures of babies that aren’t that sufficiently cute.