Linda Remains Silent on Email Chain About Linda’s Leaving Gift

Paralegal Linda Hopman has remained silent on a chain of 47 group emails about her leaving gift, which she was accidentally CCed on early today.


The initial email was sent out to the litigation team at Lincoln Partners LLC at 9:37 AM this morning by less-efficient HR assistant Abbey Foot, regarding Linda’s imminent departure from the company. Under the subject line “Linda’s leaving fun(d)!”, Abbey asked for leaving gift suggestions and inquired about people’s availability for some leaving drinks.



“I figured they’d notice right away and take me off,” explains Hopman, awkwardly checking her email. “Now it feels like it’s too late to say anything, especially after Dana’s comment about never having to smell my perfume again.”


Linda chose to remain silent, not wanting to ruin the one bit of entertainment she has found for herself in eight years at the firm. “I guess you could say I’m a bit of a bully target around here, but it is nice get a gift, too,” says Linda. “I just hope it’s not a mug.”


Junior associate Adam Pace was the first to respond to the email, suggesting they pool together to get her “a nice mug”. He also wrote that he doesn’t think they need to do a “whole leaving thing” for Linda at the end of the week because most of them are already going out for Roy’s birthday on Thursday. He proposed they merge the two events: “Cheaper that way, too—whaddy’all think??”. Senior Partner Lucy Mason replied-all, saying she’s probably going to have to “duck out of this one” because her in-laws are staying all weekend. “Typical Lucy”, Linda tells us. “I don’t love to gossip, but it gives me a thrill to say something like ‘Typical Lucy’. This is fun for me!”


Developments in the chain over lunchtime suggest Linda’s colleagues have almost no idea about Linda’s life:


Think she likes going to the movies – could get her an AMC gift card? For her and her husband?



Didn’t she get a divorce?



Lol, my bad! Don’t listen to me!



No, her husband died.



Oh :(



So is it no to AMC gift card? She could take someone else…



Nice idea! #PlentyOfFish







Shortly after lunch, the hitherto silent Marcy Rainer chipped in to clarify which Linda is leaving: “Is it Linda Hoffman or Linda Hopman? Always get them mixed up!” Abbey from HR replied, “I’m checking, will get back to you.” Then Dana added, “It’s Hopman, she’s the perfume one! Goodbye, daily asthma attacks!”


Linda tells our sources there is “no way in hell” she will be attending any leaving drinks, but remains hopeful about the AMC gift card. She eagerly awaits the next email in the chain.