Kayla Finally Drunk Enough To Start Rapping

At approximately 2 a.m. this morning, 24-year-old public relations assistant Kayla Iyengar was finally drunk enough to start rapping.


“I wasn’t sure if she’d get there,” says Marisa Gomez, a close friend of Kayla’s. “I mean, she doesn’t always drink enough to start rapping. But once it happens, wow… she really goes in.”


Kayla advanced to the stage of near-blackout drunkenness after passing easily through her more common phases, from starting every sentence with “you guysss,” to trying to sit in Marisa’s lap, to ordering a round of Tito’s shots for everyone.


“I thought for sure she’d pass out after that,” says Marisa. “But no. It was time to start rapping.”


“Me and my bitch took a little trip down to the garden, took a little dip,” Kayla continued rapping when pressed for a comment. “Oh no! Oh no! Apple juice is falling from her lips. Lil’ sip!!”


Marisa explained that these are the lyrics to a J. Cole song and that Kayla is rapping them with 65% accuracy at most.



“The last time Kayla finally got this drunk was on a Halloween trip to Philly, when she rapped all of Young Thug’s “Lifestyle” to a fire hydrant,” Marisa says. “You can’t predict how it’s going to happen—it’s just that when it’s time, it’s time.”


Marisa speculates, however, that eleven shots seems to be the approximate amount Kayla needs to reach the state of intoxication at which she finally feels the compulsion to start rapping.


“Ten shots is enough to get her to braid your hair,” Marisa notes. “But eleven really seems like the number that gets her to start uncontrollably rhyming.”


Marisa encourages everyone to enjoy Kayla’s rapping while they can, because she’ll start throwing up out of a cab at any moment.