Sasha Obama Proves She’s A Normal Teen by Dating an Emotionally Distant Vampire

Earlier this month, Sasha Obama showed the world she is a normal teenager by taking a job bussing tables at a seafood shack in Martha’s Vineyard. But that’s not the only way the first daughter can relate to America’s teens; Obama has further proved that she is having a normal teenage experience by starting a relationship with Stephen Nightwhisper, a vampire from the D.C. area.


Nightwhisper is tall, spindly and pale, and splits his time between doing homework and brooding. This relationship marks the ‘dating a vampire’ stage of Obama’s life, a stage all normal teens must pass through in order to reach adulthood.


Obama reportedly first met Nightwhisper when he emerged from a deep shadow in a White House hallway.


“At first I had a lot of questions, like ‘Who are you?’ and ‘How did you get in here?’ but then I got to know Stephen,” Obama says. “Now he’s my vampire boyfriend, and I get to be like other teenage girls.”


Obama’s relationship has inspired teens around the country to open up about their own experiences with vampires.


“It’s really cool seeing the president’s daughter do the same things I’m doing in high school,” says Mira Jackson, a junior at Central High School in Saint Paul, Minnesota. Earlier this year, Jackson met Christian Bloodshade, a tall, pale boy whose favorite activities are wearing hooded sweatshirts on sunny days and staring into fires. Jackson began a relationship with Bloodshade, who everyone at school assumed was a transfer student, though no one was sure where he had come from.


Obama’s relationship with a teenage vampire has put parents at ease as well.


“At first my daughter’s vampire boyfriend made me really nervous,” says Phoenix resident Tara Blakely. “He wore a necklace made of tiny bones, which scared me! But seeing the president’s daughter date a vampire helps me remember that this is just a teenage phase. Totally normal!”


Obama says that it is nice to feel like a normal teenager. “Growing up in the White House is pretty unusual,” says Obama. “Sometimes I feel like I can’t relate to anyone my age—so it’s nice to remember, when Stephen is crushing small flowers in his super-strong hands, or staring longingly at my neck, that I’m not so different from other kids.”



Obama is not sure when her relationship will end. She says there have been several times when Nightwhisper has disappeared for days and she assumed that she would never see him again.


However, he always reappears, in a scene most teenagers are familiar with: standing still beneath her window in the dark of night, his black jeans smeared with mysterious blood, lit by nothing but the light of a dripping candle.