‘I Don’t Have Time For Therapy,’ Says Man Who Plays 40 Hours of Video Games Per Week

After a recent argument with his girlfriend about his anger issues, Long Island resident Geoff Lowe asserted that he “doesn’t have time for therapy,” despite his 40-hour-a-week gaming habit.


“I’m way too busy to see a therapist,” said Geoff. “I’m barely keeping up with my schedule as it is. Unless she’s stupid enough to think that I’m gonna give up video games to see a shrink.”


Geoff, who only works part-time and would definitely have time to go to therapy if he cut even an hour or two from his daily video game playing, went on to explain that his free time is precious.


“My girlfriend doesn’t understand that time is money. Gaming is a full-time job for me,” said Geoff. “And what I mean by that is that I have to keep playing Fortnite so that I can become a Twitch streamer soon and start turning a profit.”


“Besides, what do I need a therapist for? I’m fine,” he added. “She thinks I have anger management problems. I say I just have my priorities, and they’re playing video games without her interrupting me. Maybe she should see a therapist and learn how to stop bothering me while I’m playing Fallout.”


Amanda Forsythe, Geoff’s girlfriend, sees things a bit differently.


“He really needs to talk to someone, and he clearly has the time to,” said Amanda. “He gets so mad over the tiniest things, especially if they have to do with video games. If he cut down on the time he spends screaming insults at 12-year-olds through his headset while playing DoTA and spends it learning some coping mechanisms from a licensed psychiatrist, he’d be doing a lot better.”


But Geoff, who always finds time to go to the GameStop 45 minutes from his apartment whenever Rockstar drops a new game, refuses to budge.



“I can’t just go to a free time orchard and pick some free time off of a free time tree,” explained Geoff. “If the moment ever comes when I can take some time away from the new God of War without all my friends getting ahead of me, then I will maybe consider looking into seeing a therapist for my nonexistent “anger issues” just to shut up my bitch girlfriend.”


“But it’s been out for less than a month, so I don’t really see that happening anytime soon,” he added.