Hazel’s not just the color of a caramel apple; it’s also the color of the autumnal splendor that is your boyfriend’s eyes. Don’t worry though: We are just friends, even though everyone says we’d make a way better couple than you guys. Isn’t that so random? Here are a few other seasonal things that remind me of your boyfriend’s sweet, sweet gaze—in a friendly way!
No, it’s not just because your boyfriend’s name is Jack. That’d be too obvious, and one thing that would arguably make me such a better match for him than you is that I’m never obvious. But still, I respect your relationship! The real reason all Jack-O-Lanterns remind me of getting lost in your man’s eyes is because they both glow and sparkle in a way that’s a lot more romantic than he looks when he talks about the long road trip I heard you planned for your anniversary. Which is not to say we have feelings for each other! It’s just like, weird. His eyes, you know?
When I see bright colored leaves falling on my walk past your condo (it’s on my way to work, calm down), I think of the way your boyfriend’s eyes light up when I do my impression of Carrie from Homeland. He once told me that your personality was more on the “calm” and “thoughtful” side and although that sounds like a compliment I remember thinking, “Wow, he seems sadder about his relationship with her than the leaves feel about their relationship with the ground.” I’m a poet sometimes.
Hot, sweet, steamy—this fall delight is just stewing with everything I see reflected in your boyfriend’s eyes when he looks at me. Okay, maybe that’s just in my nap-dreams, but it feels real. And anyway, dreams are just dreams! They don’t have to mean anything. Except these dreams mean a lot. But like, because we are good friends! But still, while I sip on this seasonal latte, I’ll also be drinking in your bae’s warm, brown eyes. But like, in a friendly way!
Maybe it wouldn’t occur to you to think about your boyfriend when you see a girl on the train in some knee-high leather boots, but I sure as heck do. Jason’s eyes are the perfect Steve Madden brown and if you don’t know it then there’s another reason you two don’t belong together.
Oh, you think it’s “weird and childish” for adults to celebrate Halloween? Not to be rude, but that brand of judgeyness is so classic you, according to the one time I heard your boyfriend sort of talk shit about you. And I dunno about you, but “she can be really Type-A sometimes” sounds like trouble in paradise. So how does the entirety of All Hallow’s Eve remind me of the eyes of your boyfriend of five years? It’s not something a non-creative would understand, so don’t bother. We’re just friends though!
Once when we were all watching football at Dan’s place, he totally winked at me. I’ll never forget it because I was about to inhale a spoonful of your famous chili (don’t get me started on what I think of people who call their own recipes “famous”) when it happened. Turns out he was about to sneeze, but for a second I was like, “Wow, maybe today is the day I fall headfirst into those eyes.”
I could go on, but I’ll leave the rest of my autumn musings for me and Dan’s hilarious all-day Gchat exchanges. But I totally respect your relationship! Men and women can be friends, especially during the crisp, romantic days of fall in which anything seems possible.