Everyone knows that men can’t help but fall asleep after they’ve had sex. That’s great, but what about when you do it in the hot tub? While hot tub loving is lots of fun, it can be dangerous! Don’t let drowsy post-coital beau stand in your way from this grand tradition. Here’s a list of foolproof ways to prevent your significant other from slipping peacefully into the water and his death!
Break His Fall With Your Body
You’ve done these trust fall games a million times in summer camp and now it’s time to put them to the test. Your man just got done plowing you in a hot tub and now he’s dozing off. Now you’re your job to save his life by breaking his fall with your body! Don’t forget to position your knees on the seat for extra reinforcement and keep those palms STEADY. Make sure to really brace yourself if he’s way bigger than you. No one’s drowning today!
Engage Him With Fun Brain Games
Stimulating the mind is a proven way to keep a person active and alert, especially after hot tub sex. Start with some brain games in the one-minute window between him lurching off of you and dozing his way straight to death. Little puzzles like “If there are 15 apples in the fridge and Jane eats two, how many are left?” will keep your man awake and, most importantly, alive.
Get His Blood Pumping
Stretching is a great way to get blood pumping and oxygen circulating in the face of certain hot tub death. Start off by taking your significant other’s limp arms and swinging them around like windmills. Stretching the neck, arms and back is helpful as well. If all else fails, do a set of 30 chest compressions until he’s awake. Crisis avoided!
Slap His Face
You just got rammed, but you better summon the energy to slap your man, because if you don’t, he might drift to the watery depths of death. Don’t be afraid to really dig in! Swiftly backhand him any time you see him dozing off. THIS IS FOR HIS OWN GOOD!
Get Out of the Hot Tub
It’s worth a try!
With these five tips, you’re sure to avoid any drowning after hot tub sex! Follow these rules and your man will still be alive to fall asleep the next time, and the time after that, and again and again.