The hottest guys love messy period sex, but unfortunately we can only have our periods for one week every month. What can you do when it’s not that time of the month but you want all of the thrill of doing the deed while your vaginal lining sheds? Here are some tips on how to trick him into thinking you’re on your period.
Set the Scene
For the most heightened experience, really create an environment that says, “I’m menstruating.” Put used applicators in the trashcan of your bedroom. It doesn’t matter what size, as long as there are a lot! Put a chocolate bar on your nightstand with a sign next to it that says “Period Snacks” to really turn him on. Ooh, la la!
If your guy is into the look of period sex, you’re going to want to fake your period and focus on getting some blood! Stuff some classic fancy ketchup up your vagina, and see if your guy can resist! Since keeping an entire bottle of ketchup by your bed will be too obvious, use packets of fancy ketchup. These are small and cute, and your boyfriend won’t notice when you are taking them out from under your pillow and popping them in your crotch area. Just make sure that you are ALWAYS kissing him with your face right next to his. If his nose is exposed, he is likely to smell the ketchup and get hungry for a burger!
Complain About Your Cramps
Period sex isn’t all about the glory! Be convincing by complaining about the pain involved! Your guy will never believe you’re on your period if you don’t complain incessantly about how bad your lower back hurts. Try rubbing your hands on your lower torso and groaning to get him in the mood. When it starts to get hot and heavy, stop everything and ask if he has any Ibuprofen. If you really want to take it to the next level, ask him for a back rub. When he goes in to massage you, tell him “Ouch, never mind, that hurts.” Now that’s some period sex!
Bloat It Out
Puff that tummy out as far as it will go! Make sure you are wearing your stretchiest sweatpants, and tell your boo you had to change out of your skinny jeans as soon as you got home from work. If you want to bloat up more before your fake period sex, eat a lot of beans and drink a lot of milk. These foods will help give your body a more natural-looking bloat. Now this is fucking sexy!!
With these five tips, your man is sure to be convinced that it is that time of the month. Sex is always enhanced with menstruation, and there is no need to limit that to a week!